Alone³ or Alone x 3
by Sarit
Summary: This is a POV story from Tamahome, Suboshi and Amiboshi's viewpoint. It addresses the feelings of all three during key points in the series and the 1st OVA that relate to them as a group. What ties these three together? What bonds hold them and what mo


Title: Alone³ or Alone x 3  
Author: Sarit (su.ami@verizon.net)  
Rating: PG-13 (for language and violence)  
Warnings: There is MAJOR spoilers in this starting from episode 24 to about 48 and the 1st OVA  
Pairings: Miaka/Tamahome; Suboshi/Yui (implied); Suboshi/Amiboshi (implied)  
Summary: This is a POV story from Tamahome, Suboshi and Amiboshi's viewpoint. It addresses the feelings of all three during key points in the series and the 1st OVA.

Time seemed to stop. All around him was death. His very soul seemed to have died along with his family. His family...Otousan...Chuei...Shunkei...Gyokulen...Yurien...

Sweet little Yurien...clutching the beaded necklace she had made for Miaka. Miaka...but no, I can't think about her. Not now, it's selfish of me. Why? What good did it do that fucking bastard to kill them?! Who does he think he is to play god?! What justification does he dare have for slaughtering innocent children?!

* * *

Pain. That's all that surrounds me, endless pain. My body was unequal to the challenge, it seems. No matter. Just let me die...life holds no meaning without Aniki. Aniki... ANIKI!!! You promised...you promised we'd always be together. But you lied...you went away and left me. Alone...so alone...

Why? Why did he have to go in the first place? I told him not to go. But he did anyway, promising to come back. But he never did. Aniki...

* * *

Everything is so confusing. Why am I here? I don't remember. I can't even remember my name. Who am I? They say I'm their son. But I don't look anything like them.

Sometimes I feel something. It frightens me. The rage...it's so powerful. I find myself waking at night, sobbing uncontrollably. I don't know why. I wish I could remember; I feel as if there is something important I'm forgetting. A promise I made? I don't know. It's so frustrating...

* * *

I sit here, alone. I can't stand to have anyone near. All seems useless now. We failed to summon Suzaku. Just as I failed to protect my family. All of it is my fault. So many have been hurt because of me.

Especially her. She deserves someone so much better than me. What can I give her? Nothing but a life of death. That's what I gave Yurien and the others, after all.

Their deaths weigh heavily on my soul. I'll never be free of their pain. But why should I be? I left them, allowing that Seiryuu monster to take them from me...

* * *

It's so cold. So very cold. I shiver, knowing the cold will never go away. I'm cold...like Nakago. I'm turning into ice. Aniki...I'm so scared. So very scared. Why aren't you here to warm me?

Oh, that's right. _They_ killed you. Murdered you in cold blood. I tried to avenge you, aniki. I did...but I couldn't. I'm weak, just as Nakago said. I did manage to hurt...him...

They still haunt me. Their innocent eyes, their frightened please for mercy. But I gave them none, just as the Suzaku's gave you none.

Nakago says what I did was justice.

But if it is, why do I feel like killing myself?

* * *

I'm starting to remember. It's slow coming, but I remember a woman. She was kind and sweet. I think I had a crush on her. It wasn't serious, I don't think. I have the feeling she was nice to me and I haven't had much kindness in my life.

But it's strange. I feel something else. I'm sure it's important. Or is it not an it, but a them? There's someone else. I want to remember, I _need_ to remember!

* * *

I buried them.

It took hours, getting them cleaned of the blood. Arranging their tattered clothes, as we were poor and I couldn't replace them. I hated to bury them like that, but one can't be too choosy.

I laid them out side by side, just as they would have wanted. All of them together, even in death. I wish I could join them. But I can't.

I guess I am a coward. I'm too weak to join them in death. Instead, I make a vow. I will do everything in my power to protect Miaka, Suzaku no Miko.

She will summon Suzaku and the Seiryuu's will pay for all they've done.

* * *

She came to see me today.

My injuries are almost healed, at least the physical ones. It still hurts, knowing you're gone. But I have a new mission in life.

Protect Seiryuu no Miko.

Even though I don't say much, she comes to see me anyway. She sits next to my bed, reading poetry to me. Nakago has tried to stop her, but she ignores him. He says I'm too ignorant to understand her words.

He's right. I don't understand a lot of what she says, but I'm grateful for the gesture. She's the only one that cares about me, since you...died, aniki.

I'll protect her. For you and me both. You'd like her. She's sweet and kind. Her life has been hard here.

I...think I love her.

* * *

My tears fall down my cheeks, but I can't stop them.

I remember everything now. Shunkaku...my brother, my twin. Are you well? I miss you so much it hurts. But I know I can't go back. So many reasons...

This family, they've taken me in. I've become the son they lost. It has been so long...our parents died so tragically, us so young. I don't want to give them up. They love me and I love them.

I wish you could be here with me now, otouto. You'd like them and they you. At night, as I lay in bed staring out the window, I wonder. Will you ever forgive me for breaking my promise?

* * *

We're leaving for Hokkan-koku today.

I could tell Nuriko and Miaka were concerned with my charge in personality. It's best if I just go on with my life. That's what they would have wanted. I can still feel them inside me; they'll never go away.

I want to make them proud of me. Their faith in me was what had always sustained me. It will continue to do so. My new family says the same thing.

The water is peaceful and serene. That is how I want to be.

* * *

We've left Kutou-koku for Hokkan-koku. Nakago has appointed me as Yui-sama's protector. I've never felt so proud of anything in my life. I want to do well, keep her safe. She's going to save us, just as she saved me.

I wanted to die. Nothing seemed important to me, aniki. Not after you...died. See? It's still hard for me to believe it. Death seemed to surround us all our lives. I suppose it was only natural it found one of us.

I hope to see you soon, aniki. After Yui-sama summons Seiryuu, we shall be reunited. I promise.

* * *

Shunkaku...where are you?

You must hate me. Why wouldn't you? I promised to return to you and I lied. Life here is peaceful. The war between Kutou-koku and Konan-koku is a distant memory. The people in Sairou are happy. I wish I could be too.

Truth is, your face haunts me. I see it in rage and I shudder. This dream comes to me almost every night. Your sweet face, splattered in blood and gore.

I shudder just thinking about it. Whoever that is, isn't you. Isn't my beloved twin who would ask me to play for him before going to sleep.

Where are you?

* * *

The strangest things happen in the strangest places.

I saw him again. The murderer. The cause of all my pain and suffering. He had the gall to sound hurt when I called him murderer. And the strangest thing was, Yui was with him.

All I wanted to do was send a chi blast at him that would leave nothing left. But what did I do instead? I ran. I ran from that asshole like my life depended upon it.

But I didn't run for myself. I ran for Miaka. She would be hurt if I died. If not for her, I would gladly have died avenging my family.

* * *

It was him again! That fucking bastard that was responsible for your death, aniki! But he ran, like the coward I always knew him to be. I would have gone after him, but Yui-sama stopped me.

Yui-sama. She's the only thing that matters to me, now that you're gone. I...I have to tell her how I feel, aniki. I love her! She means more to me than just as my miko. There aren't enough words to describe her. I will do anything for her. Her words were the only thing keeping me from avenging you.

Gomen nasai, aniki. Gomen nasai...

* * *

I asked okaasan and otousan about how they found me today. They weren't happy about it. They told me the other villagers were afraid of me. Of the tattoo on my right shoulder. They know I'm a Seiryuu Seishi.

To appease them, I went out hunting for the giant ferret that's been attacking our livestock. My parents didn't want me to go, but I did anyway. Sure enough, I found the creature. I dispatched it, but I found another surprise.

Miaka-san.

* * *

He's alive. I can't believe it!

That little prick killed my family to avenge him and he's alive! But I can't hate him. It wasn't his fault. He tried to do what was right. I admire him for that.

But why did it have to end like this? So many people hurt, dead. Miaka, my love...forgive me for not protecting you better. Keep her safe for me, Amiboshi-kun..

Miaka...I love you..

* * *  


I choke back a sob. ANIKI!!!

You're not dead! Oh Seiryuu, if only I had found out sooner! My sweet, sweet aniki! Tomo shall die for daring to harm you! I don't care if he is a fellow seishi. His blood will flow for harming you!

My aniki...the other half of my soul. I would give anything for you. But...you ask too much. I can't leave, not her...

Even if she doesn't love me, I can't abandon her. I'm all she has. I hope you will forgive me, my sweet Koutoku...

* * *

I can feel my tears fall down my face as I look at you. Shunkaku my beloved twin. You've become a man in my absence. I am happy, but sad too. You were forced into this because of me, because of my decisions. Gomen nasai, Shunkaku. I am to blame.

What? No...please, Seiryuu, no...

I can't forget again! This is an agony that I can't endure a second time! I can't forget him; I can't forget my brother...

* * *

I'm finally here, in her world. It's strange, but exciting. I've never seen so many strange wonders in my life before. Why did _he_ have to show up? That asshole...the one that killed my family! He wants to hurt us, kill us. He says it's for Yui, but I don't believe it. Yui isn't like that.

Or is she? Did she send Suboshi after us? Or is this on his own? Eh, doesn't matter. I'll defeat him, with or without my seishi powers...

Kuso! I can't believe it! He ran into his own weapon! Is he insane or...No, I know why. I suddenly feel sorry for him. I can't explain it. Maybe because he's only a few years younger than me. He's just a kid...

* * *

I followed Suzaku no Miko until we encountered him. Tamahome. My enemy. He will suffer for what he's done to Yui-sama! Him and his miko! The pain in her eyes is too much for me to stand; I have to avenge her.

She means everything to me now. Now that aniki is safe in Sairou, I can live...but what kind of life is this really? All I do is follow Nakago's orders. He doesn't give a shit about Yui-sama or me. And she...Yui-sama doesn't love me. At least, she never shows it. But maybe she can't because she's too scared.

I stop; shocked. It's happening again, only this time I'm awake. Those children...they've surrounded me. They've come to protect their aniki, just as I tried to do for mine. I swallow, knowing this was it. This was my penance for my crimes...

Aniki...

Yui-sama...

* * *

I feel cold all of a sudden. Okaasan and Otousan are concerned; I can see it in their faces. They said I had been attacked. I don't remember it, but I believe them. My life is quiet, but I can sense something else I should be remembering. But since the attack, I can't remember much of my past.

I wish I could. It would solve so many questions.

I raise the flute to my lips, but stop. I feel that coldness again. But then it turns to warmth and I sigh. It's strange, but I feel as if a part of me has finally returned. I don't know what it means, but I smile. I'm whole now, no matter what it was.

Okaasan asks if I'm okay. I just nod and say I'm thinking of the war in the south. She suggests I play a requiem. 

Lifting the flute to my lips, I do just that.

* * *

It hasn't even been a year, and I'm back in the book. I thought that Miaka and I would be allowed to live our lives together. I guess I was wrong. Why am I so cold? It's cold...where's Miaka? I promised her we'd always be together...I have to find her!

Oh. She's here. I...almost gave in. But her sweet face looms over me and I decide to keep fighting. I won't let the kodoku take me, not like it did before. I'll fight this, just as...

It's him again. Only this time, I don't feel anger towards him. I see him, knowing he's here to help us. How strange, that my once enemy, is now my ally...

* * *

Aniki says I should attack Tenkou. But I can't! I know what will happen. Aniki's body will die! He'll die! I only came back to protect Yui-sama. She needs me, but so does aniki...

I hear his voice, urging me to do what is right. To save everyone. Everyone. It's ironic. I was one of their most deadliest of enemies at one point. Now, I'm their savior...

"YUI-SAMA!!!" I hear myself cry, as I summon my ryuuseisui. It twirls and slams into Tenkou, breaking the barrier around the love of my life. I carry her back to safety, only to feel for a second time my own weapon impaling me. I don't care though. She's safe and in my arms. She's so beautiful...

I can't help but tell her I love her. She's the most beautiful thing I could see. I don't mind dying this time. I can take her beautiful face with me to the afterlife. I smile at her one last time, and then close my eyes, falling. I can't even hear her call for me...

* * *

Light filtered in, penetrating my eyes. I open them, almost afraid to see. 

But it's okay. I'm in a nice field. Next to me is my aniki. We smile at each other, reaching out to hold hands. We're finally together. We both close our eyes, knowing this was for eternity.


End file.
